Higher, higher

My chest is tightening up again. We're coming to a climax, the music whirring like strobe lights all around. I feel I should be smelling the musk of smoke. Or between the many casual hands under tiny electric bulbs.

I've got to go. I need to be somewhere.

It's been a long two months - a long time! I need to get out! TAKE

ME AWAY

I don't want a resolution. I want the pique all the time. I want to build a universe that doesn't fall apart in two days. I want to be reassured it won't come crashing down on me; a fuckin' car wreck, me the ambulance driver, trying to pick up melted scraps... So nervous. Anxious. Hoping. You've got trashcans for drums and I wanna have a dose of anticipation. More, more.

You know you're right

I will never bother you
I will never promise to
I will never follow you
I will never bother you

Never speak a word again
I will crawl away for good

I will move away from here
You won't be afraid of fear
No thought put in to this
I always knew it would come to this

Things have never been so swell
I have never failed to feel
Pain
Pain
Pain

You know you're right
You know you're right
You know you're right

I'm so warm and calm inside
I no longer have to hide
Let's talk about someone else
Steaming soup against her mouth
Nothing really bothers her
She just wants to love herself

I will move away from here
You won't be afraid to fear
No thought was put in to this
I always knew to come like this

Things have never been so swell
I have never failed to feel
Pain
Pain
Pain
Pain
Pain

You know you're right
You know you're right
You know you're right
You know you're right
You know you're right
You know you're right
You know you're right
You know you're right
You know you're right
You know you're right
You know you're right
You know you're right
You know you're right

Pain



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I think I've had enough. I think you all deserve more than this existence I suffer.

__________
__________
__________
__________
__________

And I cut out my paragraph because it is lacking the propriety of my end.

[My verbs don't agree.
My verbs don't agree.]

You'll get over me fast. Three more days.

I like secrets

I've written so much in my book, considering the fact it is rare for inspiration to spot me. There are at least 10 pages by now. The metaphor is a gracious tool.

They hold my secrets.

"If only he knew the abuse!" You'll never know, kids.

Temperature Project (need a creative title)

Pre-Cal work.

Average temperature:
http://www.weatherbase.com/weather/weather.php3?s=139727&refer=


On a half sheet of posterboard:
a. Chart of average temperatures per month.
b. Graph of average monthly temperatures clearly labeled on both axes.
c. Creative reference to city. (picture, map, etc.) *I'm doing several things.
d. Prediction of the temperature for Sat. Oct 16
e. Actual temperature of Oct. 16

Need theme and border that represents the city. Paste rubric to back of posterboard.






I miss that place.

Regrets

Cutting my bangs.
Being released and giving it up.
Thinking inane thoughts, thoughts of rash things.
Being lazy.

Another object of my affections

http://reviews.cnet.com/NEC_525_HDM/4505-6454_7-30609297.html?tag=pdtl-list

http://asia.cnet.com/reviews/handphones/0,39001713,39074960p,00.htm http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&category=64355&item=5724633329

http://www.mobilesourcecorp.com/productdetails.jsp?listid=7720001-1079379149&type=Phones&calllistid=1F20001-1091193516

Can't access email now.

Mon cher

PASA Meeting. Tech savvy = an excuse to beat you all up.

Controversial power points.

Indecisive when it comes to cell phones. (Either the tiny one, or the other tiny one...)

Trying to save my chores for the weekends. Give me a day, meet me in a secret wheat meadow, brush through crop circles and hanging plant spiders. Rachel is the best. I want Rachel to stay home.

Is the humiliation that important? We're all used. I use euphemisms. I wish for the violin lady to stay back in her dark place. I've got a lotta work to do, but no will to do it. She said I should. just. no matter what. just. do it. I'm ballooning inside. I have far too many anxiety attacks - these make me stumble and weaken especially when I wanna be arrogant. I'm a hot mama.

And then it rains, reigns, reigns, pounding against my back, finite resources and hands I could crumble in surrounding my worries... I waste away.